19th November 2025

Turns Out Happiness Is Not A Solo Sport

Every now and then, a piece of research pops up that makes you stop mid-scroll and go, “Oh… that actually explains a lot.”

For me, that was the 85-year Harvard Study of Adult Development. One of the longest-running happiness studies in the world. Eight decades, hundreds of lives, multiple generations… all tracked to figure out what truly makes a good life.

And after all of that? All the data, interviews, health checks, and life stories?

The strongest predictor of happiness wasn’t money, career success, routines, habits, or even genetics.

It was this:

The quality of our relationships. Who we feel close to. Who we laugh with. Who we’re our unpolished selves around.

It’s almost annoyingly simple. And also completely brilliant.

Because if you look around at how we’re living, it becomes ridiculously clear: we’re trying to DIY happiness. Solo. Independently. Heroically. With a planner, three podcasts, and a mildly neglected ficus for emotional support.

Meanwhile, the science is basically standing at the door waving a flag that says:

“Hey! You’re not meant to do life alone!”

Here’s the part that feels both obvious and slightly confronting:

We’ve been treating connection like a nice extra — something we’ll squeeze in “when things calm down,” “when the inbox stops yelling,” or “when life is less… life-y.”

But connection isn’t an add-on. It’s a biological need.

Our nervous systems are literally wired to co-regulate. (Translation: being around good humans is like a settings-reset for our brains.)

Even the smallest interactions can shift something — the easy conversation, the shared laugh, the moment where someone else’s presence makes your shoulders drop a little.

It’s not dramatic. It’s just human. And it matters more than almost anything else we do for our wellbeing.

So why is this so hard in modern life?

Because somewhere along the way, “success” became synonymous with self-sufficiency.

We’re all trying to:

• stay on top of everything

• stay interesting

• stay competent

• stay calm

• stay in the group chat

• stay hydrated (honestly harder than it should be)

…all while quietly wondering if anyone else feels the same way.

Spoiler: they do.

If the Harvard study tells us anything, it’s that happiness has far less to do with perfectly managing life and far more to do with the people we navigate it with.

You don’t need 20 close friends. You don’t need a glowing social calendar. You don’t need to become the hyper-social version of yourself.

You just need a few real connections. People who make you feel like yourself. People who don’t require you to audition for belonging.

That’s it. That’s the magic.

A fun plot twist? We’re built for this.

Humans are surprisingly good at connecting when the pressure lifts. When we’re moving, chatting, exploring, noticing the world around us.

Give us a bit of novelty, a little fresh air, something interesting to look at, and suddenly we remember how to be real with each other again.

Not in a deep, life-changing way. More in a “this feels good and I didn’t even try” way.

Connection sneaks up on us when we stop forcing it.

So here’s the takeaway (and it’s refreshingly doable):

You don’t have to meditate more, optimise better, or download another app. You don’t need a 12-step plan to feel more alive. You don’t even need to have everything together.

You just need people. Real ones. Your ones.

Turns out happiness was never meant to be a solo sport. And honestly, that makes the whole thing feel a lot more fun.